I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
