Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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