"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
