I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize