And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
