Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
