Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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