The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
