Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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