I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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