what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
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Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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