wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
