I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
