he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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