I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
