I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
40s are totally the cure
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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