I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
