she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
