I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
