i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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