WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
