i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
