this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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