I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
