I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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