So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
