She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He has the fingertips of a God
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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