If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
