Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
