I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
