Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
