so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
