when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
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You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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