Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
