***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
your room smells of hookers.
And success
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
