you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
