yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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