The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
