The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
