the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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