I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
