According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
