She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
