apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
