Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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