I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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