I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she peed on how many people?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
