I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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