am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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