A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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