Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize