So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
