the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
