Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
