my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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