His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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