Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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