I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
