so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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