Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
