Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
