I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
