Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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