Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
