the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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