The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
