I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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