Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
