i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
