people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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