You can't special order awesome
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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