mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
