seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
