My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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