I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
