I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
