Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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