when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
